Jealousy
is a destructive emotion -- especially in relationships. It is the
leading cause of fights in relationships and also the leading cause
of break ups. A lot of people mistake the symptoms of jealousy for
the causes of jealousy, when in reality they are not the same.
For
example, a girl may say that when her boyfriend talks to other girls,
it causes her to feel jealous. Or when a guy's wife dresses
immodestly in public and he sees other guys checking her out, it
causes him to feel jealous. The problem with mistaking the symptoms
of jealousy for the causes of jealousy is that dissolving and getting
rid of the jealous feelings then becomes the job of your partner who
has to give up freedom to save your relationship with them.
In
the above example, if the girl truly saw her boyfriend talking to
other girls as the cause of jealousy, she'd believe that the only way
she'd get over the jealous feelings is if he was to stop talking to
other girls. In reality, that would fix nothing. She'd soon find a
whole new set of behaviours of his that would make her feel jealous.
To cure jealousy permanently and effectively, one need not involve
their partner in the process. The cure of jealousy happens within.
So
what is the cause of jealousy? The true root cause of jealousy, at
its deepest level, is the fear of loss. In this case, the fear of
losing your partner. Jealousy is sparked by the fear that, if your
partner spends enough time getting to know other people, he or she
will eventually realize they'd rather be with someone else than you
and leave you. In its true nature, jealousy is nothing but the
combination of utter fear and selfishness.
- Develop your self confidence and obliterate your jealousy. Techniques to Overcome Jealousy Now that we know the entire cause of jealousy is fear, how do we overcome this fear so we no longer feel jealous? Below I have listed the necessary steps to take in overcoming this fear of losing your partner to someone else that leads to jealousy. Become more independent. After being in relationships long enough, we often begin to lose our own identity. Instead, the relationship becomes your identity and whenever you feel at threat of losing your partner, you feel a sense that your whole personal identity is in jeopardy. The first step to overcoming jealousy is by re-establishing your individual identity. Remember all the fun things you used to do BEFORE you were in a relationship? Be sure to make personal time for yourself each day to enjoy those things. More importantly, pick up an old hobby. The more time you invest in treating yourself to things you enjoy, the more you'll realize you can be happy all on your own and you won't feel so dependent on your partner. The less dependent you feel on your partner, the easier it will be to let them go if they decide to leave you for someone else and the less fear you'll have over it as well. This means much less jealousy.
- Boost Your Self Confidence A large chunk of the fear of losing your partner to someone else (the root of jealousy) is based on not feeling like you could ever find a partner as attractive as your current one again. The way to remedy this is to boost your self confidence by doing whatever you need to in order to KNOW you could find someone just as attractive as your current partner, if not more attractive, if they ever were to leave you. How do you do this? Hit the gym regularly. Start eating healthier. Get plenty of rest, plenty of water, plenty of sunshine and just start taking better care of yourself. If you have to sacrifice time you would have spent with your partner to do this, then GREAT! That's what the first step, Become More Independent was all about. This will work wonders to help overcome jealousy.
- Learn to Respect Yourself Just like with anyone else, you have to earn your own respect. Ask yourself what kind of qualities do you respect in other people? Honesty, integrity, loyalty, commitment, hard work, self control and self discipline? These are the same qualities you must learn to possess, if you do not already, in order to respect yourself more. The more you respect yourself, the more you will see you deserve someone who respects you as well. When and if your partner ever chooses to leave you for another person, you will have enough respect for yourself to realize you deserve someone better than that who will stay more loyal and committed to you.
Conclusion
By
taking full responsibility for your jealousy, and not shifting the
blame for it to the actions of your partner, and by implementing the
above three steps, you can overcome jealousy almost instantly.
Remember, you can not control your partner. You can only control
yourself. You do NOT own your partner in any sense and they are free
to do whatever they want. You have to accept this in order to
overcome jealousy and begin to work on developing your independence,
self esteem and self respect. Take the time to re develop your own
individual identity and you won't feel as threatened when you feel
someone or something may threaten the integrity of your relationship.
Stay Blessed!
